State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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