'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
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