A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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