You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
