quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
