And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
