I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
