Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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