i think i have two assholes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
