I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
