2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why didn't you poke me back
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
