He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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