The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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