JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
