i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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