all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
