So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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