Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
