im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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