I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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