I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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