walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
