Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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