is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
