One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
