but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
