the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
