he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
