If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
