It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
