he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ttyl tear gas
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
