My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
