I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
