im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
