Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
