So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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