Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
