I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
