My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think my moral compass just broke
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