my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
