Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
