Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
