i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
