Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
