I heard we made out
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
