We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
