mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
