The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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