I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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