i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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