I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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