Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
