we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
