Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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