I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
