we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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