You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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