can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
