Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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