I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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