i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
