He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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