Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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