the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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