I hate all girls vehemently.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
