Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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