Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
