My Higher Power is John Stamos
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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